Got the Blues...

Blue in Green... Thats a Miles Davis song that I am listening to right now, and it just stepped on a soft spot in my heart and boy did it hurt.

You know how its like in a party where everyone is really pleasant to talk to and everyone is happy, until somebody forks out a message that has never come up and then suddenly its right up your grill and the happy mood is gone. Then everyone makes way for the door wanting to get away, wanting to find out what they absolutely feel of the recent happening.

Or imagine yourself ascending from a deep free dive, the fear of drowning, the immense preassure holding you down and you fight it and swim upwards for air. Your head about to explode, and you hussle, upwards into the light, and there was light, and then shallow water black out. And perhaps you find yourself in another place, far beyond the weave of time.

Like getting all the inspiration to play the blues with savage conviction and intensity and yet losing the inspiration for anything else. Not a moment to rest I guess, even for pity's sake. Never had the chance to catch my breath until somebody would _eventually_ (maybe) take it away.

Hurtfull Tendencies

The summer sun isn't the friendliest of blokes nowadays. While on my way back to the office, an exchange dug out past feelings. I'll feelings that perhaps I don't even deserve to feel. It's hard but at some point in my past I have come to feel that I was only as good as I am usefull to a select group of people who I have come to value so much. Never hearing from them until they have need of my assistance. To be treated like a mercenery when I have come to their aid as a friend. To be taken for granted. To feel unimportant and unwanted.